I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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