I am puke
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So apparently I’m into choking now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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