you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
