plz talk dirty to me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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