Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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