I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize