he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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