it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
