I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
