the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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