Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She announced her abortion via fbk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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