even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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