We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
