Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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