I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
