I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
