I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
