How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
