he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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