You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
