So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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