I've blown a few things in my day
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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