Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
