I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
