the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
