Jerry, you need to find god
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
