It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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