Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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