Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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