Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
