Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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