i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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