did you get engaged???
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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