I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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