Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
