guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
