my phone needs a breathalizer
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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