The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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