HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
