I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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