I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So many bounce houses so little time
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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