I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
