Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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