Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
