I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
