just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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