Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
