I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
