she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
