I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
