i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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