don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
