He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
