He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
