Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
