the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
