went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
