dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we made out on top of his cat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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