Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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