Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
