i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
