If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
