Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
