that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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