theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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