I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
