You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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