1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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