I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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