Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
