the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
