Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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