i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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